DISCLAIMER OOOH OOH, this might be just a place for me to scream thoughts and close the lid, don't expect much happiness from this as it might be just me throwing out fleeting thoughts and trying to move on. From myself, to, uh, sort of myself, feeling like I'm heard out even if I'm not telling people things to their face for my own "selfish" reasons, without really telling anyone somewhat helps letting go of things, I think, still experimenting, but yeah, I'll be typing here, probably

This might be a blog where I'll just, talk, a little more than on twitter, this might be a mistake, or something liberating, time will tell, don't expect much of the happy rambling and mindless thoughts, that's for my twitter, maybe ( 30/10/2022 XX:XX xx )

Today's been pretty dull aside of making a website (the bare fuckin shell lol), constant passive aggressiveness from a friend, a lot of idleness/boredom, no much will to do really much, nor much interest, a little lonely, etc, etc, some things didn't went right, but that's alright, listening to music helps a lot, somehow, been listening to a lot of spanish music, a little change, finally listening to music on my native language aside of what people listen here or when outside, and etc, fun ( 30/10/2022 - 8:52 PM )

I want to give them space but I also don't want to be lonely, they are used to being just doing their thing, and I thought I was used to it too, I think I forgot how that was, I hardly can sit still and mind my own business without thinking about that type of things unless something fully catches my attention, which hardly happens nowadays, sometimes it's hard to do anything with my full attention, even games at time feel a little too taxing, aside of other "problems", I can't do much without someone taking notice of almost each of my very move, it's feeling again like when it got bad, I can't let myself be absorbed and do things without a worry like this, I know I'll regret writing this, but I'll just let this sit and delete it later, perhaps, anyways, I don't want to keep nudging people to do things, I like being asked out and stuff, but the people I'd like to see them ask me out don't do much unless I'm visibly upset, which is kind of, can't find the word, but unfun, I don't want to have to show I'm upset to be asked how am I, or to do things, but I'm a little too overwhelmed with other things to *really* care, things been kind of eating my mood away, dumb little problems that shouldn't really exist, yet they do, and they are there, I don't want to keep bringing it up to people, and sometimes I just want to be alone, or I dunno, not exist for a couple, but also want to just talk to people, be lax again, I'll probably delete this soon, consider yourself lucky if you read this, this is totally incoherent aside of the people that know, lol

it's a little funny me wanitng to maybe start talking to some more people, but I don't want to seem like im stealing some friend's thunder, and also I don't want to just not talk about anything, small talk easily tires me, feels awkward, so I don't know how to start, I know that's kind of how they go at first but eeh, I don't know ( 30/10/2022 - 9:30 PM )

Today's, a little better, just kind of doing my thing, ish, still needy but rather minimal, it's fine, happy halloween or something ( 31/10/2022 - 11:40 AM )

Forgot to keep updating, I've been meaning to but keep forgetting, working on actually learning some tips and tricks of HTML/CSS/Blahblahblah to ACTUALLY make this pretty, in other news, I'm a little worried of her, It's a little upsetting that she opts to not tell me things when she's urged me to do the same, I know that it's most probably because she doesn't likes explaining, and etc, but still, not fun, but well, it's not like I'm *really* feeling much discomfort, things been kinda dull still, so I'll just wait it out, it'll probably fix itself, right? ( 9/11/2022 - 9:06 AM )